Panking's Top 10 "What were they thinking!?" JAV Blunders

Published : October 12th, 2020 Written by Panking

I'm sure many of you have experienced this feeling before. You're watching a video and the thought of "what were they thinking?" pops into your head. Maybe it's a terrible plot choice, cover bait, directing miscues or poor execution. This particular list is gonna cover both individual videos as well as entire series. Now not all these videos are terrible per say as some do have some positive aspects but all them will leave you scratching your head. With that out of the way let's begin with my number 10 entry.


10. JUX-838

"I Normally Can't Cum But She Made Me Blow 10 Loads"

By far one of the most puzzling collaborations I've ever come across in JAV. Putting Ai Uehara with Aimi Yoshikawa is such a massive mismatch in my opinion. Now perhaps just by having Ai Uehara with her maybe Aimi will step up her acting. Or maybe we’ll get some great interaction between the pair. Well that couldn’t be more wrong sadly. The video itself is a straightforward basic soapland themed release with all the aspects you've come to expect with lots of lotion play and wet, slippery sex. Now let me get the positives out of the way first. They both look pretty great overall and Ai’s performance at least is solid for the most part.

However the biggest issue I have with this video is that it has one of my biggest pet peeves of a collaboration video. There’s next to no interaction between them. They don’t touch each other at all really. For example in one scene Aimi is giving a bj while Ai is just sitting off on the side, fingering herself. It’s such a complete waste. In addition Aimi’s performance is quite average and doesn’t impress at all. This film also suffers from a flaw of soapland videos in general that always put me off, slow pacing. There’s a lot of time devoted to Aimi and Ai just rubbing themselves on the guy leading to a bloated runtime. All in all there’s very little reason to watch this. Even if you’re a die-hard fan of both actresses this video is still a giant waste of time.

9.The "Cum Facial - Cumming From Inside" series from S1

The first series to make my list here is from the studio juggernaut, S1. Now don't get me wrong, I think this series has some decent moments from the entries I watched and they aren't completely devoid of merit. However I just can't help but look at the setup and groan. The general premise the exact same for the entire series pretty much. It centers around mostly vanilla action and sex scenes with the caveat of the actress "cumming" almost non-stop. Now the action itself really isn't that bad to be honest. In each entry there's usually multiple sex scenes and a masturbation scene. That particular scene can go on for too long though and certainly bloats the runtime considerably.

When it comes to performances it's about what you'd expect. The actresses aren't really given anything to work with so as such the acting is very uninspired and average. Now my real issue is of course, the cum aspect. It looks incredible silly and fake. Not to mention it's used all the time which can often break the flow of a scene. It's to the point where even a simple 10 second fingering will leave her pussy running like a faucet of cum. Its just so ridiculous and over the top as the cum doesn't even look that convincing. I really don't know what S1 were thinking here. This is one series that I'm glad they retired.

8. PPPD-609

"Grab Them Big Titties For Some Titty Fucking"

Starring "Hitomi Tanaka"

If there was an award for most frustrating film then this may take the cake. The cover is eye-catching and features some ingredients for a great film but it completely falls flat. As Oppai loves to do this film doesn't present any sort of overall plot. Instead the only theme is based around forcibly grabbing her tits and fucking them. However the tittyfucking doesn't always involve the actor's dick but mainly their hands. Yes the major focus is on the guy's shoving their hands into her cleavage over and over. All the while Hitomi overacts and you're sitting there wondering "why?" What would possess Oppai to think this was a good idea is beyond me. This film had some real potential but this theme just completely ruins it. I'm all for tittyfucking but not like this.

Moving past the asinine premise the action here isn't half bad, at times. The two sex scenes are decent however they're average at best until the ridiculous hand fucking of her tits starts. It's so incredible dumb and I struggle to think why anyone would enjoy it. Unfortunately besides those two sex scenes the rest are pretty terrible paizuri scenes. I say terrible because of one major reason which is her submissive performance. Hitomi's at her best when it comes to paizuri when she gets to be in control however here the actor does all the work and forcibly fucks her tits. Its not satisfying at all and plus like I said her facial expressions aren't great to begin with. It's a real shame because Hitomi sports some real sexy outfits but that hardly matters. Please don't do this ever again Oppai.

7. The "The Spence Mammary Gland Development Clinic" series from Oppai

This series here is actually one of the major inspirations for this list. I knew right away this series had to be on here. Oppai can come up with some genius plots for sure but this is definitely not one of them. The whole premise centers around stimulating their breasts for some over the top reactions and sex. It's very basic and vanilla which isn't inherently a bad thing. However the execution with this series is just awful and remains one of my least favorite series ever in JAV, not to mention one of the dumbest ideas too. First off let's talk about the action. It is incredibly dragged out, bloated and a waste of time generally.

Several of the entries I watched didn't feature any real sex until over an hour into the film. They spend way too much time on foreplay and stimulating their breasts with their hands and a variety of toys. It's all very dull and not compelling to watch at all. That element is a prime factor in the sex scenes which can be a major distraction with the constant zooming in on their faces and tits. Which leads me to the performances were are generally terrible. Each actress plays it WAY too over the top and makes some of the most ridiculous facial expressions you'll ever see. There's some good moments here and there but overall it's bland, uninspired and a waste of time.

6. STAR-993

"Enjoy Titty Sucking Baby Play As She Gently Says To You, Let Me Help You Get Off"

Starring "Marina Shiraishi"

Just what the hell happened here? Whoever thought this plot was a good idea is out of their mind. Normally Marina and POV go together like peanut butter and jelly such as in STAR-665 and STAR-905. However that’s not the case here sadly. Now STAR-993 features one of the most bizarre plots for a pov film I’ve ever seen. This one is all about “baby play” as you are an infant and over the course of the film you grow older. It’s very weird even for jav and I really didn't enjoy it. Anyway I can overlook that if the action is good at least but even that misses the mark, by a wide margin actually. Starting out with the sex scenes of which there are 3 of them. Sounds good except for the fact that 2/3 feature just ONE position.

The filler scenes are terrible too with utterly forgettable paizuri and handjob scenes. In addition the lighting is awful as some scenes are way too damn bright and look completely unnatural. In addition the pacing is quite poor too as some scenes take way too long to get going. Now I will say her performance is fantastic like you’d expect from Marina as she’s bubbly, warm and inviting here. Plus her enthusiasm is top-notch. Also she looks terrific as well. She goes for the “milf” look and absolutely nails it. Even wearing a pair of jeans that look very sexy on her. Still though the action is just mediocre with little to nothing worth watching. By far one of her worst films in recent memory.

5. EIKI-018

"Silver Fox Diner"

Starring "Kaori"

Easily one of the most pointless videos I’ve ever seen. I really don’t know the exact plot but to be fair it really doesn’t matter too much. The premise seems to feature Kaori showing off her cooking skills for a fictional tv show. There’s only three scenes in the entire video and the primary one features Kaori cooking a dish for over HALF of the runtime. And it’s not like she wears anything sexy during it which could save the scene a bit at least. It’s incredibly boring, dull and a complete waste of time. Maybe if you have a food fetish or just love cooking then perhaps you'll enjoy it.

Beyond that there’s a blowjob scene and a sex scene. Granted they are both shot in pov which is nice but still they’re pretty average across the board. One positive note is that her performance during these scenes is actually pretty good and Kaori does look stunning. She manages to make the most of the limited action from this film. But with that awful and pointless cooking scene taking up over fifty percent of the runtime it’s difficult to make a case for anyone to watch this, even the most dedicated Kaori fans.

4. JUFD-553

"Strongest Big Black Cock Orgasms! Harlem Threesome Colossal Tits Group Special"

Starring "Yumi Kazama and Azumi Chino"

By far one of the biggest bamboozles I’ve ever come across in JAV. That’s one hell of a cover and the general premise sounds amazing. Azumi Chino and Yumi Kazama together in a threesome interracial film. Personally I’m a huge fan of this genre so I was pretty excited to check this one out. However that excitement quickly fades away into sheer disbelief. The plot is pretty straightforward as it's really just about Azumi and Yumi having sex with some black guys. Beyond that there's no other plot elements. Right off the bat the two of them look outstanding. They're in near perfect shape and sport some sexy outfits. Also they are very enthusiastic and have great chemistry together. Both are equally engaging and seem to have a lot of fun here.

Technically even the action itself is fantastic with plenty of threesome sex scenes and some great position variety. And it's over 2 and a half hours long so there's plenty of action to be had with little filler to get in the way. So now you're probably wondering "well what's the issue?". Well the glaring problem is that all the dicks are fake. That’s right they actors use a huge fake dick complete with fake cum. It’s mind boggling why Fitch went this route when they’ve done real interracial films before. It absolutely ruins the video. It’s hard to enjoy it when they’re just using dildos pretty much. Had this featured actual real sex with real dicks this would be one for the ages but instead it ends up as one the biggest "what were they thinking" films ever.

3. BBI-201

"Sticky Sperm Play"

Starring "Yui Hatano"

I was so excited when I first saw the cover for this film. I thought "oh she finally swallows cum maybe. But unfortunately the cover is just massive bait as that's far from the truth. As far as it's setup goes it's pretty simple. It's a mainly vanilla sex video with no plot whatsoever. The general focus centers on Yui receiving cum in her mouth and playing with it. Now to be honest this video isn't that bad. One of the bright spots is her performance as Yui boasts great energy and facial expressions. In addition Yui looks gorgeous and wears a few nice outfits to boot. Also the technical aspects are pretty well rounded with non real glaring flaws.

Overall the action is fairly solid as well. Some of the highlights include a pov sex scene and a nice group sex scene. There are some dull moments though here and there. However by far the worst aspect of this film and why it lands on my list is the lack of cum swallowing. Much of the video revolves around Yui taking loads of cumshots in her mouth and then playing with it. But instead of swallowing she just spits it out into her hands or just lets it fall out of her open mouth. It's so massively disappointing and pointless. All the buildup of her playing with the cum to just..do nothing with it. What a joke.

2. SSNI-053

"3D Titties Anime and Live Action"

Starring "Rion"

Just what the hell is this? What was S1 thinking? By far one of the most puzzling releases in recent memory. Now what I can gather from the plot it seems to be based off a doujinshi or be inspired by elements of one at least. Rion seems to play a volleyball player who get hypnotized by some strange man creeping around the locker room. Of course he seizes the opportunity and uses it fuck her. There's not a whole lot going on plot wise to be honest. Now what exactly lands this video on my list here? Well for starters the film is a meager 90 minutes long from start to finish.

Somehow though S1 manages to squeeze out 3 scenes out of it. Another factor is that all the cumshots are completely 100% fake and very over the top. It certainly fits the theme and style of the video I suppose but I'm personally not a fan. But by far the biggest issue with this film lies within it's production values. They use one single location for the entire video. They shoot in the same locker room for all 3 scenes. Plus Rion wears the same outfit each time. Also the lighting never changes either and even then it's too unnaturally bright for my tastes. S1 must have shot this on a budget of $100 or something. It's very cheap, lazy and devoid of any real value.

1. The "Covered in Multiple Semen Shots" series from Das

We've finally arrived at number one. This is by far one of my least favorite series of all time and just completely baffles me. The series is completely defunct now, what a shocker, but featured some of the biggest names around at the time such as Hitomi Tanaka and Julia. The general premise is the exact same across the whole series with the focus being on the star actress receiving 500 loads of cum in various ways. Sometimes it's through creampies and other times it's through a blowjob. That sounds like a terrific setup especially if you've got a heavy cum fetish. That would be the case if the cum wasn't fake.

Every single load here is absolutely fake to a hilarious degree. Each guy "cums" the exact same amount in the exact same way, rinse and repeat. Plus the cum looks like pancake batter. It's some of the worst looking fake jizz I've ever seen from a JAV. Beyond that the action is terrible. All the guys will take turns fucking the actress for a very short of amount of time in pathetic fashion before quickly "cumming" and moving on. It's so dull and will probably put you to sleep. Doesn't help that the actresses performance is usually very submissive and devoid of any real enthusiasm often just laying there and taking it without any involvement. I never want this series to return and hopefully Das has learned from this trash. What.Were.They.Thinking!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
Comments
spaten78 3 years ago
Seriously, for your number 1 choice, that looks like frosting or something. Frosting that has been left out of the fridge too long. Totally makes sense as number 1. The Spermania series was the way to go if this style movie is your jam. Also really liked the Wanz series with the guys rotating in and out a lot. Julia had a strong performance in that series. WANZ-768.
ZENRA 3 years ago

No matter how campy a movie may be, I think cum is the one thing that should never be faked.

Related Blogs
Top Lists
March 2022 has been an amazing month for JAVs. Check out my top five movies of the month and let me know what you think!
Top Lists
April comes and with it comes Karen Kaede’s comeback, Yumika Saeki’s retirement, and…Yuna Ogura’s maid sex doll? Check out the latest and greatest with the first part of my Monthly JAV Watch for April.
Top Lists
A look at the top actresses and videos from the August 2020, both domestically and internationally.