I Went to See the Fighting Girls of JAV Event!
Before we begin with the article proper, I'd just like to thank the wrestling company Akibacom, who hosted the event, and for C. Ronald (the owner) for allowing press. I'd also like to thank June Lovejoy and Zenra for allowing my crazy idea to be realized. If you'd like to follow the fighting girls on Twitter (no, I'm not calling it X), you can go here to find their handles. You can also follow BWP (one of the teams) here. So! Without further ado, the article.
Alright everyone, I can see some of you ready to type out some smart alec remarks in the comments section, like “Hurrhurrhurr wrestling’s fake!” No. Shush. Arrêté. John Stossel was once like you, and look what happened to him. You wanna get slapped by June Lovejoy? Do you? Okay maybe you do, but not like how Dr. D slapped Stossel for his stupidity, surely.
Yes, for the first August event I would attend, I would be watching a professional wrestling event with JAV actresses. I was especially nervous. Not only would I be meeting June Lovejoy, a performer I’d been wanting to meet for a long time, but I would be meeting them as a reporter, rather than as a fan. After discussions between June, Zenra, and myself, we arranged it so that I would be given a special press pass and backstage access, which is far more than I’ve been given at any event thus far. And I was determined to make a good impression and represent the ZENRA site in a professional manner.
Of course, as with all my trips thus far, there were some complications. As is my trademark, I wanted to get June and the other actresses and staff something nice, especially since it was a particularly hot day. While normally I get ice cream, June suggested I bring some Pocari Sweat instead (it’s basically Japanese Gatorade), which made perfect sense, given the athleticism of the event. However, I quickly realized upon purchasing 20 bottles of the stuff that 20 bottles of electrolyte drinks are significantly heavier than 20 popsicles, and I was left lugging two heavy bags of the stuff an hour before the event began. Not a problem in and of itself, I just needed to find a place to set the bottles down and sit until the event got underway. But when I set the bottles down on the table by the back entryway of the event, I saw a gentleman in a bright green shirt with “Staff” written on it, and I realized I could simply give the bottles directly to him. Calling him over, I explained who I was and handed over the bottles, after which he told me to follow him.
This was unexpected. The event wasn’t to begin until much later, and June had been emphatic that I shouldn’t show up earlier, before everyone was ready. I didn’t want to break one of the ironclad rules they’d set for me, but the staff member was equally emphatic that I follow him. So when he took me downstairs to where June and the other wrestlers were, and June was naturally surprised by my presence, the explanation I gave was sputtered out and flustered.
Thankfully, June was understanding, and after having a laugh and dropping off my backpack, I left them to finish preparations for the event, and killed some time at the local shrine before coming back to the front entryway A crowd of people was gathered, and to my surprise they were a much more varied bunch than the attendees I typically see at these events. A whole plethora of genders, ages, and fashions, I wondered if this was simply what JAV events were like in Akihabara.
Then it turned out that they were there for a completely different event in the building next door, which just so happened to be going on at the same time.
“Wait, where am I supposed to go then?” I wondered, until I noticed some people poking out from the back entryway’s corner. To my relief, this group of folks looked much more akin to the crowds I’ve seen at previous events, and there was even a fellow foreigner in the line, which gave me more comfort. June had told me beforehand that another foreign reporter would be at the event, so if that was them, that meant I was in the right place. I don’t know how public this reporter is, so for the rest of the article they shall remain anonymous. But they were a sight for sore eyes at that moment.Then the staff member at the table began to call out ticket numbers, and I began to worry again. I hadn’t gotten a number. When was I to go in? I sent June a message, but before they could answer, the reporter began to make their way towards the front entryway, and I flagged them down. Confirming our identities to each other, the reporter said that we were to go to the front entryway, and someone would take us to where we needed to be. Just as we stepped into the elevator, June called me, and I answered just as we entered the changing room and saw June right there.
We exchanged pleasantries, while I stood by a bathroom door. Then, there was a flush, and the door opened to reveal a woman who reacted about as well as you’d expect in the situation.
“Jesus!” she exclaimed, first at the sight of me and then at the realization that she was completely pantsless in front of me. I placed a hand over my eyes, allowing her to recover her modesty. It’s not that I’m a eunuch or a prude. I just had a feeling I wasn’t supposed to be looking in that situation, and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. I don’t know if she had a laugh about the situation later, but I hope I at least didn’t freak her out.
The reporter and I were then taken downstairs to the ring, and slotted into our assigned spaces. The basic setup was that on one end, leading to the back entryway, were the fans who had purchased tickets. Then in the center, obviously, the ring, alongside a giant tv to display intros and footage. Then on the other end, where we were, you had reporters and those with backstage passes, alongside the sound crew and the bell-ringer. Behind us was the curtain and the elevator, through which the wrestlers would enter. And here we get to the central problem with the seating arrangement. Namely, that there were no seats arranged for us.
Because the reporter, myself, and two friends of June (who shall also remain anonymous for this article, though they allowed their picture to be taken) had gotten in via connections, we had to stand throughout the show. Not too bad in and of itself, except for the fact that there was not very much space in which we could stand. The reporter needed space to take pictures, and the man behind the curtain also needed space to take pictures, so that left me crammed between the two like a sardine. More than that, if I stood up too straight, my shoulders and head would cause the curtain to rise, not a terribly high amount, but just high enough to let the viewers peek in on the wrestlers. So with two people behind and in front of me, a concrete wall beside me, and the inability to stand properly, I spent the entire wrestling event like a cloistered penguin. I couldn’t even clap at first, only giving June a thumbs-up when they entered the ring.
But, now that we’ve come to the event proper, let’s break down the five matches! First up…
Akari Minase VS June Lovejoy
I think, I can’t confirm, but I think Akari might have been the girl who saw me whilst she was on the toilet. If she was, she never mentioned it afterwards. But she was the youthful, plucky face to June’s older, more dominant heel. There was something vaguely headmistressy about June, as they grabbed the mike from Akari whilst wagging their finger ah-ah-ahhh. But once they began the match, I realized quickly that this was no ordinary pro wrestling event. It was a naughty pro wrestling event. Memories of Shino teaching the Judo Club yaoi ways to disarm their opponent in Seitokai Yakuindomo flashed in my mind as I saw June do horrible, saucy things to Akari (one particular incident involved June rubbing Akari’s pussy with the ring rope, whilst whispering “riding rope” as Akari moaned). However, lest you think Akari was merely an innocent waif, she could show a mean streak when the situation called for it, and she got the upper hand on June on several occasions. Given how often June would attempt aerial moves only for Akari to turn them to her advantage, I did sort of wonder near the end whether or not June should stay away from the jumps. I confess, after the second unsuccessful aerial attack, I started getting flashbacks to Sid Vicious at WCW Sin (and no I am NOT linking that). But thankfully, while June did not win the match, they managed to walk away with both legs intact, so that’s a relief. Pity the American didn’t win, but I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised at that. You know how these things are.
Nonoka Yukari VS Nozomi Arimura
Okay, full disclosure, I might have gotten a little flustered at the sight of Nozomi. She’s just so… pink. Pink is my favorite color, and, well, I wish there was a more complex reason for my flusteredness than that, but, uh, no. I just… I like pink an awful lot. Anyways, the match. Nonoka was yet another virtuous face, politely bowing and wishing Nozomi a good match. And Nozomi’s response was effectively “STFU bitch I’m about to show you hell!” She then proceeded to do exactly that, with a series of devastating moves that reduced Nozomi to a sniveling pile of snot and spit. I tell ya, if this isn’t Nonoka’s start of darkness, the inciting incident of an eventual heel turn as she resolves to get strong enough to destroy Nozomi as viciously as she was destroyed herself, I’ll be truly surprised. We’re talking pegging camel clutches. We’re talking straight up slaps to the face. Remember that scene in Tammy and the T-Rex where Paul Walker was grabbing dick? We’re talking that, but with vaginas. And when the ref tried to intervene, Nozomi kicked him! Kicked him right in the balls. I tell ya, pink and adorable as she was, Nozomi was a monster. And then, after Nonoka was helped out of the ring, heaving and hobbling, Nozomi very politely thanked everyone for coming and congratulated Nonoka for a good match. I confess, I could only laugh when that happened.
Hinami Meguro VS Tsukasa Nagano
It was with this match that I had a sudden realization. Did all the heels have low-cut tops, while the faces all had less revealing garments? I suppose that made a certain level of sense, to give the faces a certain level of modesty. But given how you could still see them poking through, even with a cloth covering, that rather rendered the whole endeavor pointless, didn't it? Indeed, in this match Tsukasa was threatened with outright spillage, her cut was so low. And, like Nozomi before her, Tsukasa was an absolute beast (downright vampiric in appearance), charging like a buffalo right off the bat, and doing terrible things like poking Hinami’s eye and smashing a bottle over her head. Oh it was dreadful, even though there was one notable fan with the biggest shit-eating grin on their face at the sight of it. By the end of the match, I realized two things. Firstly, the heels are all tops and the faces are all bottoms. And secondly, I very desperately needed to stretch, because my back was killing me at that point. I slipped behind the curtain and proceeded to stretch, until the next batch of wrestlers showed up and I hastily retreated back to the audience area, wishing ruefully that I could have just a minute more to stretch my back. I wasn’t getting paid to sit backstage though. I had two more matches to cover.
Nana Maeno VS Akari Niimura
You know the funny thing about these matches is that, despite the wrestlers working the crowd like you’d expect, nobody ever cheered or booed while they were onstage. They simply clapped at the start and end of the match, all orderly and calm-like. As someone whose main exposure to pro wrestling is WWE, this was honestly kind of surreal to me. But anyways, I was a bit worried about meeting Akari again, since our last meeting ended with a terrible miscommunication. However, while I was able to clear things up with her after the event, in this match she gave no sign of even noticing me. Akari was, to put it bluntly, an evil bitch. And it was amazing. Think Mädchen Amick in Riverdale before they decided “Noooo! She can’t be evil now that audiences like her!”, completely ignoring that we loved her precisely because she was such an evil bitch. This isn’t to denigrate any of the other wrestlers there, but watching Akari in the ring working the mike was like watching the one actor in your local community theater who you know is gonna be a star in the city. She was so captivating and charismatic, and so very, very evil. I loved it. Also, like any good heel, Akari was not above fighting dirty (yes, tee-hee). When Nana got the upper hand on her, bah gawd there came Tsukasa with chains (and boobs)! Yes, while Akari beat Nana with chains, Tsukasa used her cleavage to distract the ref, before getting the jump on him and locking him in a chokehold. Ref didn’t resist. Didn’t even give a token struggle. He just lay there like a slug, grunting noncommittally. I wondered if maybe he was into it. June would later confirm that he was indeed into it. But I was very much not into the situation with my back. As Nana was trapped by Akari’s chains, I ruefully noted that I was just as trapped, but it wasn’t nearly as sexy. Thankfully, just as Tsukasa came to Akari’s aid, so too did Nana get a friend to deliver a last-minute save. But could my back outlast the last match just as Nana weathered Akari’s schemes? I hoped so.
Luna Amemiya VS YUE
So, first off, YUE is not a JAV actress. She’s an idol. Also, June would later explain to me that this match was the culmination of YUE’s wrestling journey, a match that was several years in the making. I didn’t know that going in, but even without that knowledge, the passion YUE and Luna showed in the match was unmistakable. I confess, I didn’t enjoy the match as much as I probably should have, but this was simply due to the fact that by this point my back was screaming out in agony, and every time there was an escape after a two-count I groaned, even though I knew it was supposed to be a tense moment. Something funny, even when pinned down, Luna would make sure to pull up her top so that she wouldn’t spill out like Tsukasa. When she was fully immobilized the ref would do it. And later on when I got a closer look at her, I could see that Luna was wearing stickers beneath her outfit, just in case. When YUE at last pulled out a victory, Nana came onstage to congratulate her, and the pair had a tearful conversation before watching a video highlighting YUE’s career. It was a perfect ending, and as the lights came back on and the crowd slowly left, I and the other three backstage pass folks welcomed the chance to finally sit down.
After the matches were all over, the staff began to set things up in the ring so that fans could take pictures with their favorite actresses. I chatted with the other backstage pass folks, and the reporter went to go do some interviews alongside June. By the time this article comes up those interviews will probably also be up, so if you’re reading this June, feel free to link those in the comments section.
Also, since you’re here, I really enjoyed getting to meet you, June, and I hope I get to meet you again some time in the future. I’d heard good things about you before that event from other ZENRA staff, but I was still very nervous to finally meet you face-to-face. I hope I accomplished my goals of making a good impression, and of being a good representative of my site.
It’s been a year since I stumbled into this position as a writer for ZENRA. A whole year. If you’d told the me of last year that I would be where I am now, I genuinely wouldn’t have believed you. And yet here I am, just as grateful as I am utterly bewildered to be in this position. I don’t know how long my time here will last. Maybe it’ll be one more year or a full decade. But I feel truly blessed that I get to go to these events and meet new and interesting people.
Related to a conversation we had about Minami Kojima, I want to say, June, that I understand that I’m an outsider to this world. As a small-town American boy, I know that someone like me probably seems jejune and unsophisticated to the actresses that I meet. But even if I’m an outsider, I don’t want to be ignorant. I don’t want to be like John Stossel being a bellend to the WWF wrestlers. I know that there’s a lot that I don’t understand as an outsider, but I hope that if I demonstrate my ignorance, I can learn like I did in that conversation. I hope I never make an ass of myself, or contribute to misinformation about JAV.
One last funny story to cap things off with. This is for everyone. But after the event was done, I got a picture with the wrestlers, and we backstage pass folks went back to the changing room to meet up with June. During this time, Nozomi showed up, and, like most people do, remarked on how tall I was. I nodded like I always do. And then, grinning from ear-to-ear, Nozomi pointed at my groin and said, in English, “Big dick!” The eyes of the other backstage pass folks widened, mouths grew agape, and I myself was so surprised by the comment (it’s not one you get every day, after all) that I couldn’t think of anything to say in Japanese. Eventually I said modestly in English “Well, I’m sure you’ve seen bigger.” to which the reporter said that they were not translating any of that for Nozomi. So, June, if you’re wondering why the hell I asked you how to say that in Japanese, that’s why.
I’m sure our regular readers are now screaming at me just as loudly as they did when I didn’t shoot my shot with Sumire Mizukawa. And I’ll admit, I’d have loved to have spent an evening with Nozomi. I’m not a eunuch, after all. But I had a feeling it wouldn’t be very professional to hit on her in that situation. And besides, I think June can confirm that Nozomi wasn’t seriously interested in me or my dick. I know by Japanese standards I’m not at all handsome. I’m sure Nozomi was just having a laugh.
So with that, my first event of the summer was over. But there were still two more events left. So stay tuned, as we see the next chapter of this exciting saga.
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