The Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show
with English Subtitles
The sinking population of Japan comes as no surprise and the topic has been covered extensively through almost every form of media not to mention many times on Zenra. The battle to recover from startling low birth rates is a multi-front combat with Japan waging unchained fury through various strange and questionably effective means such as the oft-commented upon National Nude Day entailing stark nakedness for all with heavy focus on sexuality.
Is that enough though? Can today's production even be considered part of the same alternative universe? Probably not, but it's fun to connect the imaginary dots.
'Let's all battle against this country's declining population by having lots and lots of sex,' opens this bizarre morning 'news' TV show. Led by three exceptionally good-looking Japanese AV stars and two ho-hum male anchors, the Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show aims sky-high in providing its audience of ensorcelled males and bounteously delivers for the most part. Those looking for something a bit out of the norm--something that is quite strange but not totally out there considering the subject matter, look no further.
Morning shows across the world generally follow a similar format and Japan is no different. If anything, actual morning shows in Japan are hour-long advertisements led by chirpy and inviting newscasters with only the tiniest snippets of actual news. The Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show is no different in this regard; the first few minutes contain unique morsels of salacious news tidbits such as the trench coat-wearing flasher in Shibuya and the tale of Nakano Ward's panty bandit complete with erratic gonzo footage of the latter's apprehending. It's fun and unfortunately ends sooner than appreciated.
However, the next segment of this bizarre Japanese AV morning show truly takes the cake in terms of preternatural outlandishness. Straight-faced AV star knockout Miwa Asaka announces the next segment in her smooth made-for-TV voice: "Now it's time for Today's Pussy Corner." The Pussy Corner segment consists of several minutes of vaginal appreciation of the three female Japanese newscasters that make up the Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show: The aforementioned Miwa Asaka, the inviting Azusa Katou, and the stellar Hibiki Otsuki whom during the in-studio reports maintains a near-flawless 'deer-in-the-headlights' look.
One at a time, each of three reporters stands erect as the camera zooms in on their pubic hair followed by a profile shot. Off-screen commentary accompanies the footage in the form of praises about the pubic hair's shape, length, and even design. After the pubic hair expose, each AV star news reporter is seen smiling with legs spread as the camera slowly zooms down. Here, colorful commentary continues: "In the center is a pussy that can and should be considered a wonder of the world.", "It's a wonderful pussy that is sensitive all over both external and internally.", and more.
There is a still-running not-exactly-live-action American TV show that features a sexually-frustrated folicly-challenged teacher with a sock puppet who seemingly wrote a romance novel filled with pages and pages that all focused on the penis all while denying that he is anything but straight and his reason for including all the penis descriptions was that's what women like to read. Well, the Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show builds upon this with their very up close appreciation of the beauty that is nestled between the legs of women with ample visual footage that leaves nothing to the imagination. The Pussy Corner is—as the name implies—nothing but womanhood up close and spread for your viewing entertainment.
The first three-quarters of this wacky Japanese AV morning show continues the trend of bizarre showcases by on-street interviews with 'real' people about their masturbation habits (alright, anyone who watches lots of Japanese AV will be able to pick out a few of the interviewees such as Virgin-kun from the Bakobako Bus Tour Gyaru Edition) followed by Miwa Asaka and her male coworker visiting a love hotel suite chock full of unique sex devices. At said Japanese love hotel, we get to see her try out a unique bicycle affixed with a dildo that gyrates up and down when the user peddles. The same bicycle was actually used in public many a time in an alternate production. After her sex device exploration, she and her coworker make love on the bed to show how accommodating it is for the deed (yes, this is their reasoning).
The latter portion of the Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show lacks the strangeness that was so prevalent from the get-go. Consisting mainly of two long sex scenes--one linked to a very bizarre and very Japanese horoscope reading and the other with a well-known AV actor whom some of you have previously encountered in Naked in School 5--the second half of this zany TV show is much more straight-forward. Fortunately, the last few minutes consists of the entire group of anchors all standing proud in their birthday suits taking part in an impromptu naughty English conversation lesson (another trend that actual Japanese morning shows follow) before wishing their viewers a bright and healthy day.
Overall, this was a good production. The beginning certainly was the strongest (unless you prefer traditional acts of romance) and the last few minutes also were pretty fun and quite unexpected as Miwa Asaka has certainly spent some time abroad due to her surprisingly clear and strong English ability. Speaking about the negatives, just like actual morning TV, the Sexy and Fun Variety AV Morning Show did at times feel like an extensive advertisement--an infomercial. Throughout its two-hour-plus runtime, various actual products such as Tenga masturbation aids and Rozaria vibrator were heavily showcased. Generally, if something was used during sex, a moment was given to plug it--condoms, lotions, you-name-it! Some viewers may not like this, but that's the nature of morning TV and the adult video take on it faithfully adhered.
Although the sex scenes that fill the latter half of the production
are pretty easy to figure out, the segments surrounding it--especially
the news segments at the beginning and the outlandishly bizarre
Pussy Corner--would be difficult to understand as a non-Japanese
speaker. The entire production--including the horoscope reading
featuring a wall of Japanese text--is given the exclusive Zenra
full subtitled in English treatment that you'll find nowhere else
and if you still need something to alleviate your weird Japanese
news with English subtitles fix after watching this, then check
out the previously released I
Became Captive of Horny Newscasters. Enjoy.